http://www.killip.co.nz/79qwerRTYU.htm

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does this actually work to post this way?  I wonder I wonder I wonder if it would be better for me to blog here and then just link from the other one...

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Welcome Back to Me!

Um, so I've been gone a long while...and although I know you didn't even realize I was missing, I feel that I should explain myself.

First, just finished finals on Thursday--one quarter down, one quarter to go. I did some wacky, wacky essays that I should probably post here. Why don't I just entice you with some titles? For one English class: Hamlet and Sex: Two Interpretations on Film. For my other English class: The Dreamworld of Female Sexuality in Dogeaters. Picking up on a theme? I am totally dirty. But they were by far the most compelling essays I have written, at least from a composition point of view.

Second, went to California for Uncle Wolfgang's funeral which was really, really hard. Came back, met Matt at the airport (he was just getting back from a business trip in Richmond, VA), and we promptly went and saw General Public at the Phoenix Underground. http://photo.sing365.com/music/picture.nsf/CoverPicUnid/48256C71003578A248256C14000D676F/$file/Hand.jpg Totally rockin', because we got to hear a lot of English Beat stuff http://tralfaz-archives.com/coverart/E/englishbeat_stopf.jpg. We dance our asses off and have a great time. The next morning we go out for breakfast at the (new) Original Pancake House. http://www.lothie.com/netpix/Pictures_of_Places/pix/Original_Pancake_House.jpg After we stuff ourselves on coconut pancakes and waffles, in the parking lot http://www.floridastars.org/icons/NPB/parking_lot.jpg Matt finally proposed and we went off to Fred Meyer to get a ring http://www.nzion.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000013/EGR2240C.jpg (I think the one I chose looks a lot like that, actually). So we are engaged. And then we went to Georgia to see Timmy graduate from Ranger School, so now he has his Ranger Tab and he is bas ass. http://www.thebattlezone.com/decals/decalpix/dl-ar-ra-116.jpg

Back at SAM

The moment you have all been waiting for: Lusty Lady lingo!
(I regret that I missed an entire month of yummy phrases...)

To Bare is Human

Welcome to No Wear

Yes, it's great to be back. I was welcomed with open arms, and what's even better, the only people I didn't get along with weren't rehired, so Sara reigns supreme at the Membership desk. Actually I work alone every single shift. It's a good thing I get along with myself. I am still getting crabby folks who disagree with the price of admission, since the tickets are the same as they were for Van Gogh: $15.00. This morning a "gentleman" said to me, "I don't think I've ever seen anything at SAM that would be worth fifteen dollars," To which I tried to explain that Van Gogh was the beginning of a new era, and that he would certainly be pleased with his visit today, but he just gave me a blank stare. In all fairness, the only time I visited the museum before working here was years ago when there was an Annie Leibowitz show, and while I loved that---the rest of the museum was boring. But special exibits...you know, why am I even rambling on about this? You've heard it before. Go check out what I wrote in June...But the frosting on the pie is the name of one of my members who came in today: Kegel.

Oh, and a disclaimer on the scary posts about evil christians: parody---not real.

(If that link doesn't work, try this: http://www.childbirth.org/articles/kegel.html

I'm Trying Not To Cry

The next two posts below this one made me want to start screaming in fear.
These people really exist.
How can they claim to be Christians?!
There are too many offensive things in here to even talk about...but make sure you read each and every last word, and remember Michael Moore and why we love him so much....

If Ever There was a Reason to Commit Suicide, This is IT!

Youth Pastors Unveil Theme For Hell House 2004:John Kerry's Bloodcurdling Agenda For America!
LOCAL NEWS: Plans Underway for Hell House 2004
Freehold, Iowa - As the Devil's Birthday (Halloween) draws nigh, all across America, thousands of Baptist churches busily prepare for the only time out of each year when unsaved people are allowed to approach them uninvited. The unsaved are charged a small fee to enter Baptist Halloween Hell Houses where they tour rooms which expose them to the horrors of Hell. After each visit, participants are escorted into a tent where they are confronted with the gospel message. They are told that our loving God has far more sinister and sadistic plans in store for them than anything they have just witnessed in Hell House. They are then told that the only way to avoid the wrath of God's short temper is through flattery. They are given an opportunity to accept God's Son or perish forever in the flames of God's personal torture chamber, "The Lake of Fire."
Landover Baptist Church has a national reputation for running the largest and most powerful Halloween Hell House in the United States. Each year, visitors drive for hundreds of miles, just to see and experience the Landover Baptist Hell House. If you can't make the trip to Freehold, Iowa this year, then please visit our interactive online Hell House online by clicking here. You can also read about last year's Hell House by clicking here.
The theme for this year's Landover Baptist Hell House is, "John Kerry's Bloodcurdling Agenda For America." The event will take place at the Landover Baptist Creation Science Zoo from October 15 - November 2. Participants will be guided into different areas where they will be exposed to the horrifying reality of what America would be like, if by some hellish miracle, John Kerry were to become President. The Landover Baptist Youth Group has seven areas planned for the event. A summary of each area can be found below. We hope to see you at this year's Hell House! And remember to bring along an unsaved Demoncrat! We guarantee they will switch parties and pants before they leave our church property!
HELL HOUSE 2004:"John Kerry's Bloodcurdling Agenda For America!"
Area #1 - Sodomy 101 – Elderly Actors will portray a different-gender couple enjoying their twilight years in a lovely restricted suburban gated subdivision. They politely rebuke each other with scripture as they sway in rocking chairs on their front porch, sipping lemonade with Equal. Suddenly, a loud bell will ring, and dozens of fey young men wearing only tattoos will rush out from the Six Flags Fun Bus to storm the Christian couple's porch and commit sodomy by the swinging-chair until it falls to the floor, bringing the roof down with it. The residents will try to run back into their Victorian house, but colored police officers and the ACLU will appear and force the couple to not only watch the sex-crazed homos, but approve of them. Just before you leave, John Kerry will appear out of the shadows wearing a priest collar and devil horns to marry the old man's wife to a woman who drives an 18-wheeler.
Area #2 - Weapons of Mass Destruction - Participants will be thrust into a scene made to look like the deserted streets of Baghdad, right after President Kerry removes all of the U.S. troops. A young dark-skinned evildoer will come out from behind the corner holding a nuclear bomb the size of a walnut, saying - "look what I just found!" The outdoor lights will dim, and a short film on a giant screen will show the United States being blown up by a nuclear explosion even worse than what we did to the Japs. Satan will cackle his hellish laughter in the background and scream, "The weapon of mass destruction was there all the time – and his name was John Kerry! Muhaahaa haa!"
Area #3 - Purple Hearts for Everyone! - Children are lined up to be vaccinated – now that Democrats are in power, 80% of all public school children have gonorrhea. As the nurse pricks each child with the needle, Jesus floats down from the sky to give each of them a Purple Heart ribbon. Satan will then pop his giant red head out of the ground to give Purple Hearts and Kennedy Center Honors to the children whose venereal diseases were too advanced to waste vaccines on.
Area #4 - Christians in Jail - Children will enter a jailhouse filled with white Christian men, praying quietly while being sodomized with relish by male security guards that all look like Janet Reno. Five of the Janet Renos will hold the Christian men down, while the remaining Janet Renos break into two groups: one to orally stimulate the anuses of the prisoners, the other to brandish lasers to obliterate the cross tattoos on the prisoners skin that once showed their dedication to our faith's registered trademark. Next, a throng of belligerent liberals will steal all of the Bibles being carried by the Christian men. They will deposit the Bibles at the feet of the liberal goddess – Oprah Winfrey. Oprah will then tear pages from the Bible and slowly begin to wipe her behind with them - looking directly into the eyes of the visitors, she will exclaim, "You go, girl -- this do make me some mighty fine toilet paper!" Oprah will then throw her enormous wig back and cackle like the devil's imp, making the children smell the soiled pages of scripture.
Area #5 - Picking Stem Cells - The Landover Baptist Nursery School has agreed to provide over 200 infants on six separate evenings for this exciting demonstration. Participants will enter a large garden area where they will see hundreds of little infants dressed up as stem cells. A Pastor in stilts, dressed in a John Kerry costume will move through the field of stem cells like an evil scarecrow. He will randomly snatch up a half-dozen or so, shoving them under his arms and jamming them into his giant pockets, saying, "It's off to the lab with you! We're going to turn you into Botox so some Hollywood liberal can look like she's been turned into a pillar of salt." Just as Mr. Kerry exits, Nancy Reagan, in red Adolfo hot pants will harvest a score of beautiful little embryos with a pitchfork, telling each, "You're going to look swell in Lucite. Stem cell research is leading to the discovery of new paperweights every day!"
Area #6 - The French Invasion - Participants will enter a large outdoor cafe area. They will witness groups of very pale people sipping acrid coffee, smoking unfiltered cigarettes, wearing goatees and beanies and running out of the room each time they see a mouse or their own shadow.. As the participants draw closer they will be exposed to malodorous aroma of unbathed bodies mixed with an overly ripe blue cheese. As they rush to the exits for fresh air, a sign will taunt them: "Bon Jour! President John Kerry Welcomes Vou to New Paris (formerly Washington DC)." They will not understand a word anyone is saying in their own nation's capital because everyone, including their President, is speaking a tongue even Pentecostals eschew: French
Area # 7 - There goes the NeighborHOOD! - Participants will be introduced to the harsh reality of drugged-out Democrats – everything from the peacenik hippies to the colored welfare queens, made cocky with their death-sentence-adverse president in power, marauding through our churches and luring our children into transvestitism and class action suits. Once Kerry is in power, Puerto Rican and other Mexican gangs will roam free throughout Iowa, stealing our innocence and our underpants, polluting the chaste minds of our Godly wives with wicked notions that oral sex is performed on anyone other than the husband.

We Really Are Going to Hell if these people exist!

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0504/oralsex.html
read it here and then click over to see the picture and caption of the devil tongue as well as the sad story of the teenagers who were killed because they dared to try oral pleasure!

CREATION SCIENCE BREAKING NEWSOral Sex: A Dangerous New Trend!
If you are living in a defiled marriage, meaning unequally yoked (wedded to a non-Baptist), and your unsaved spouse burns with lustful curiosity about oral sexual gratification, read this important article!
Freehold, Iowa - Creation Science teaches us that a thousand years to human beings is like a light burp to the Lord. So, it isn't any wonder that God is just now finding out that His most sinful creatures (humans) have become very keen on slithering their tongues like a serpent of Satan into disgusting places on other folks' bodies that they can't reach on their own. Creation Scientists are beginning to believe that the talk around the water coolers in Heaven is that God's creatures on Earth are using their mouths for a lot more than simply eating food and preaching the Gospel.
Recent studies in Creation Science show us that oral sex can be extremely dangerous! We know this to be a fact. For those of you young people who have not yet been to Bible College, and are reading this article, "oral sex," means the placement of a hoochie or a tallywhacker into a human mouth. Creation research indicates that Satan is using the human tongue to infiltrate the soul by way of the vagina, anus, and hole in the tip of the penis (enormous penises have bigger holes, allowing for a greater number of demons to gain entrance, which is why black men commit so much crime). Creation Scientists have not yet determined exactly how thousands of tiny little demons extract themselves from human semen and vaginal excretions, but they are convinced that the human tongue is being used as their makeshift nest. "It is on the palette where the devil's minions spawn and reproduce like a swarms of tiny red maggots." says Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards. "Once enough of them are bred, an army is assembled. They exit the nesting area and enter the throat. It is at this point, you are infected, and the battle for your soul begins."
Creation research on oral sex was started about a year ago when Pastor Horace Wilkins of Freehold, Iowa, through means his son is now reconciled with, once acquired some of his boy's own semen in the middle of the night, and used a tongue-depressor and a large eye-dropper to splash torrents of the gooey liquid down a bullfrog's gullet. The frog died instantly. As a follow up experiment, Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards tried the same thing on a cat, using a sample of coagulated secretions he found inside of his mother's vagina. The pussy died within fifteen minutes. Our researchers have come a long way since those first two experiments, but these results alone should be enough to raise the hair on the back of your neck and make you think twice about committing oral sex. Oral sex is like playing Russian roulette, but instead of holding a steel gun to your head, you are placing a gun made of skin into your mouth.
For about two thousand years now, married Christian couples didn't think twice about embracing the luxury afforded them in the 13th Chapter of Hebrews, verse 4 ("Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled"), as a free ticket to act like a pair of coked-up San Fernando Valley porn stars whenever they jumped in bed together. Although the Bible clearly gives married couples a license to male on female sodomy, the freedom to bring whips, French maid outfits, clippers, scat play, and in dozens of cases - outright murder!* into the wedding bed, we are beginning to understand, through the miracle of Creation Science that the Lord feels a need to draw the line somewhere. At Landover Baptist, we are honored to be on the cutting edge of Christendom by openly discouraging oral gratification, even among married couples!
A Warning to Unwed Saved Young People:
Christian young people today are just as eager as their ancestors were to partake in the Bible-based sexual revolution that the Apostle Paul affords us in his "if you're married you can be as freaky as you want" quip from Hebrews, but it just might be because of countless generations of pre-marital fornicating recklessness that the good Lord saw fit to poison oral pleasure. The talk outside the prayer closets in Bible Colleges across this country used to be, "if you don't put it in, it ain't no sin." We've all been outside our fair share of prayer closets in our lives, feeling the blood racing, the pulse pounding - believing that we could do anything we wanted but, "it," to that cute little Elementary Education major with the heavenly ankles. Lord knows, most of us are so skilled by the time we get out of Bible college that we can flip flop a music hall recital nook into a rectal depository and without batting our eyes turn the same den of iniquity into an emergency prayer closet to suit the Lord's will. Well, thanks to modern breakthroughs in Creation Science, we are beginning to understand just a little bit more about what we call, the chemistry of the Lord's will. To put it quite frankly, Creation Science is teaching us that our loving God in Heaven won't think twice about giving Satan permission to assemble a swarm of tiny little soul eating demons on the tip of your tongue for having oral sex! Yes! Even if you are married! So, unwed saved young people, if you value your lives, you need to stop fooling around RIGHT NOW! As True Christians™, it is our sworn duty to do everything in our power to prevent the Lord from getting irritated. So, young ladies need to wipe the semen from their chins and get right with the Lord! And young men, the only crack your nose needs to be in is the open crack of the Holy Bible!
*According to Landover Baptist Church records (1646 - Present Time) we were forced by the Lord Jesus to let over 1,400 Christian husbands get off Scott-Free after murdering their wives in bed. Although this might be a troubling statistic for some of us, it is really none of our business. The Good Lord writes the rules and it is our obligation not to question one jot or twiddle of His word, it is simply our duty to follow it. We are to remain obedient to God's Holy Word at all costs, and despite the pull of our carnal conscience, always remain content to have your True Christian™ hands tied by the sacred glory of God's commandments. Unless a breakthrough in Creation Science suggests otherwise.

How Many Steps DOES It Take to Get to the end of the Universe?

I love funny people.
I like to think that I am a funny people.
But these people is funnier.
And smarter.
Make sure you actually click on the report with pictures.
Ah pure comedy.
For those of you who care, Stinson Beach is about an hour from where I grew up.
For you, Jill, (if you're reading this) that's where we took you on that cold, cold day when you visited on 4th of July.
And finally, the installation that they mention that's in Sonoma County: that's Sugarloaf, where we went camping to look for the Halle Bop comet (which we never saw because it was FOGGY) and also to eat a lot of spaghetti.

http://www.phrenopolis.com/perspective/index.html

For those of you who heart halloween...

http://www.phrenopolis.com/pumpkins/index.html

Old Teenage Angst

I found this tucked away in an old notebook. I have been going through these types of things lately because we moved not too long ago, and so this kind of thing keep popping up. Approximate date: April 15, 1997. Yeah, it's that old. Read. Laugh if you must.


You think because of my looks that I am unimportant; that what is inside my head is just as worthless, just as deformed, just as imperfect, just as ugly. My thoughts do not extend past today's lesson in U.S. History or when my next meal will be. I concern myself only with trivial matters of self-indulgence; perhaps a thesis on animal rights or what frosting goes best on chocolate cake. I am not "idea" in physique; therefore I am not meant to be included in mainstream pastimes, such as enjoying a good piece of music, getting drunk off my ass, admiring..."Boys"; or even possessing a sex drive. It must horrify you to think that someone like me could even think about sex, could even feel the same desires, the same wants, the same needs. Would it so disgust you to see me being affectionate, perhaps even attempting to be naked for some other reason than a doctor's physical? I cannot fall in love: I already know that I am so horrendous that no one will ever want me; this keeps me from having emotions, from instinctively reaching for human contact. I am riding on the edge of humanity; soon I will evolve into something alien; exactly what does not matter, as long as I am not included as one of your kind. "A biological mistake" is all that is written on that sticky piece of paper that reads: "Hello, My Name Is..." I cannot be hurt by physical pain, I feel not the insults, the shortcomings, the imperfections. All I long for is recognition and acceptance. I want nothing more than to be the same. I cannot experience loneliness or depression or desperation. Remember, being a monster in appearance, I am void of emotion. And if I express an opinion, it is discounted as ridiculous because my hips are wide and my thighs rub together when I walk.

Shame On Me

Yes, I've been a bad girl and haven't written in quite a while. Going to school will do that to you. I forgot how time-consuming homework is! I really am enjoying being back in the swing of things, but I really do need to do some serious time-management right quick because work will be starting up again next weekend. Actually it's supposed to start tomorrow, but my mom's Uncle Wolfgang just died, and so I will be missing the opening weekend of the Spain show because I will be flying down to California for the funeral. I had written UW a "goodbye" letter of sorts, but it didn't reach him in time, and so I think my mom wants me to read it at the funeral. I'm not so sure how I feel about that, but let's wait and see. Maybe I'll just have to forgo the mascara on Saturday. Perhaps I will post the letter here, since it is rather like an essay of my memories of growing up with Uncle Wolfgang. Stay tuned for update.

Speaking of working, yes, it's official, I've been hired back at SAM. In fact, out of the 30 odd people (and I do mean odd) who were originally working the Van Gogh show, I am only 1/8 of how many were asked to return. I didn't know that I rocked that much. It feels good to be able to know for certain that my bosses like me and support me. Honestly, this is the best job I've ever had. Yeah, Godiva was awesome, but it was a ridiculous rollercoaster the whole way through. SAM has been smooth sailing. Plus, the only two people that I didn't get along with weren't rehired, so I am in the clear. And it's not even that I didn't get along with them so much as they were absolutely insane and I didn't quite know what to do when I was around them. Anyway, one of the fun things is that now I can continue to post the Lusty Lady musings. I am a pervert, yes I am. Three more months of raunchy museum versus cultural museum...